Validity of Tolstoy’s Quote

Zalak Shingala

Prof. Josh Burnett

ENG 122- SP2

April 1st, 2016, Final Draft

Validity of Tolstoy’s Quote

Family, a word which means love between groups of people, is it always true? No, there are always ups and downs in a family, there is one family who is so rich that they cannot spend time with each other leading to unhappiness. Conversely, there is another family living in a slum who have a lot of time to spend together but there is lack of financial need which also results in a family’s unhappiness. Now the question comes that the famous quote said by Tolstoy, “All happy families are like one another; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way” is valid or not? Yes, it is valid as Tolstoy wants to say that for a family to be happy, several key aspects must be given such as good respect of all family members, acceptable financial security, and mutual affection. If there is a deficiency or failure in any one or more of these key aspects, the family will be unhappy. All in all, a happy family is a family with no deficiency in any key aspects, but if there is even one fault then it is called an unhappy family. Tolstoy’s quote can be explained by discussing how various types of deficiencies in a family that can lead to unhappiness in certain families.

Firstly, one of the major causes of a family’s unhappiness would be financial problems, which not only brings stress to the family but also brings lack of bonding. Many families go out once in a while but when having financial problems it’s hard to do so. For instance, in The Relationships between Family Financial Stress, Mental Health Problems, Child Rearing Practice, and School Involvement among Taiwanese Parents with School-Aged Children, “The results of this study revealed the direct effect of family financial stress on child rearing practice, since financial stress was found to be significantly associated with reduces child rearing efforts and lower school involvement on the part of the parents, as indicated by the results of the structural equation modeling analysis” (Wei 1150). This shows how lack of financial need would affect a child’s involvement in school, such as he/she might have fewer friends or might not be able to participate in extracurricular activities which in turn can cause a lack in child’s development. Similarly in Parenting in Direct Provision: Parents' Perspectives Regarding Stresses and Support, “The children were aware of the advantages other children had and found it difficult to have a comparable lifestyle, thus leading to further social exclusion” (Ogbu 264). This shows how a child can feel excluded in school such as could not go to trips and not being able to have choices of food for lunches would result in an unsecure feeling in a child. In short, if a certain family has financial problems can result in an unhappy family.

Secondly, another important cause of family unhappiness is rude and unruly behavior from teenagers. As teenagers are going through many changes, there are tremendous hormones, peer pressure and parental pressure to do well at school. Thus this can cause rebellious behavior and often leaves parents at losing their mind. The more the parents try to impose their will on their teenagers, the more they will resist. For instance, in Parents can Deter Violent Behavior in Teens, “For parents who use corporal punishment as a disciplinary measure their children may turn to negative behaviors involving fighting, bullying and violent victimization of peers” (3-4). This shows that parents react with anger and break down all forms of communication rather than adopting a more supportive approach and try to understand their standpoint with then cause teens to stress. Similarly, in A Family Full of Unhappiness, Still Hoping for Transcendence, “Their cocky teenage son, Joey, is so unhappy at home that he moves out of the house and in with his girlfriend’s family next door” (Kakutani). This shows that how a teenage boy lefts his home at an early age which increases unhappiness in his family. All in all, many teenagers feel misunderstood and stopping to listen and understood can assist in breaking the negative cycle of rebellion which eventually causes unhappiness in a particular family.

Next, stepfamilies are also one of the main causes of unhappy families. When two separate families come under one roof, there are going to be conflicts. In the previous marriage, it is possible for the parents to have different rules than the new marriage. Previous bonds between biological parents and child may interfere with the stepparent and child relationship. For instance, in Separating, John was complaining that it is just the separation, the whole of the year has been bad for him, and also he was unhappy at school. Richard realizes how selfish he has been and promises to see what can be done about a transfer to another school (Updike). This shows that Richard inflicted his family with pain as the outcome of the separation came out really bad; also he realizes that his selfishness affected his child’s education. Similarly, in The Storm, “So the storm passed and every one was happy” (Chopin). This final sentence shows a balance between the natural world where the storm has concluded, and the human world, where “every one was happy.” The storm how only one deficiency which was the storm ruined happiness in everyone’s life and as it finally stopped, their biological parents and their step-parent. In short, even the one flaw would either make people unhappy or make happy due to recovering a particular deficiency.