Divorce

Marriage Components vs. Divorce Today

"... society's greater acceptance of divorce may itself be contributing to the decline in marital happiness. A study published in the Journal of Family Issues recently concluded that "by adopting attitudes that provide greater freedom to leave unsatisfying marriages, people may be increasing the likelihood that their marriages will become unsatisfying in the long run. "It seems that the divorce culture feeds on itself, creating a one-way

downward spiral of unhappiness and failure." - David Brenner

In a society where gradually, by means of technology, everything is becoming easier for us; marriage ends up being one of the only difficulties that isn't simplified by the advancement of society. Therefore, in a sense, our culture adapts the idea that marriage should be simple as well, and if not, it must come to an end. There is no "Disney World" package kind of marriage, but unfortunately many people believe there is. Many couples believe that the entire marriage is going to be as "perfect" as the first year, but later find out otherwise. Marriage, in fact, takes work. Many leave current situations in search of another, but soon realize that the "grass isn't greener on the other side." And the trend continues...

"Americans love to get married, but half our marriages don't take. Then we switch partners and remarry, with roughly the same odds of success." - Amy Dickinson

In two of the three synoptic Gospels (Mark 10:2-12 and Luke 16:18) Jesus claims divorce is unacceptable and remarriage is the same as adultery. He also says that once a man and woman are united as one, they should not separate (Rubio, 166). Though the bible says this, what does a spouse do when they are being abused in a marriage? As noble as it would be to try to "work out" issues to save a marriage, I firmly believe that one should take themselves out of any kind of abusive relationship or situation, especially when there are children involved. Even if the children do not see the violence directly, they unfortunately see the effects it has on the abused. Sadly it's been shown that there is a cycle when it comes to violence, and in a way it usually doesn't end. Abuse can be not only hitting one's husband and wife, but forcing one or the other to have sex when not in the mood, or humiliating one another in front of others. Verbal, emotional, and mental abuse are not visible from the outside, but build up inside until it is too late and divorce is the last option. For this, among many other reasons, I find abuse to be one exception to trying to "work out" a marriage.

In my opinion, the basis of a lasting marriage that will not end up in divorce is the idea of human love rather than romantic love. I believe that many couples may think and feel like the beginning stages of the relationship are feelings toward human love, but are actually feelings of romantic love. Romantic love is based more on the feelings of lust and enjoying ones company. Human love is a much deeper and spiritual feeling between partners. A couple must learn to grow into human love, but at the same time try to keep that romantic spark that is so immanent in the early stages of a relationship. As you stated in class, "Make love to a person not a body." This statement holds true for the marriage as a whole. The greatest unselfish gift a husband/wife can give to one another is to understand the difference between the two types of love.

"Even though romantic love has not turned out to be what we thought, there is

Still a human love that is inherent in us, and this love will be with us even after

Our projections, our illusions, and our artifices have all passed away."